Monday, May 02, 2011

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 6

Yet another avuncular intervention in the lives of others that, whilst being gleefully, nay, openly gratuitous, is probably best kept secret from those at whom it seems aimed.

NO MORE MR NICE GUY
(The Sun 02/05/11)
I'm the stereotypical Mr Nice Guy, yet I get ignored by girls in favour of my less "decent" mates. It makes me bitter and angry.
I'm 17 and all my mates say I'm the nice, kind, funny and caring one in the group, yet I always end up in the doomed "friend" zone.
I met a girl last year and fell in love for the first time. We dated for just a month before she decided we were better off as just friends. I then sat back and watched her having relationships with other guys - it killed me.
Another girl I like describes me as "perfect boyfriend material" but she won't go out with me because we're such good friends. I get constant rejection. I'm the only guy in our group who is still a virgin and that puts a lot of pressure on me to find that someone special.
I've been thinking I should stop being "nice" and forget caring about girls. I've never been a one-night stand guy but, if I'm not meant for serious relationships, maybe I'm better off joining my mates in loving and leaving girls.
I know I'm sounding negative but I'm running out of hope and patience.


Uncle William says:
Ah, the dreaded 'nice guy' syndrome!
When women describe a guy as 'nice', it surely does not have the same meaning as a nice cake, or a nice house, or a nice hotel. Or a nice fuck, for that matter.
Therefore, for this to make sense, let's switch 'nice' for 'murky'.
A woman's instinctive defence shield rightly knows that all your male niceness behaviour, read 'murk', is typically a deceptive front for various kinds of unknown selfish intent, it feels uncomfortable in the sexual realm and is a big turn-off.
Come on, be honest with us, your so-called caring self extends only to girls you fancy. You know you're not 'there' to listen to me tell you all about my problems, or offering to walk some other dude home after class. You're not into complimenting wheelchair-bound grannies on their skirts, hair, or shoes, least of all their colostomy bags. You're not buying gifts for small children. That's right, I know you want to get laid, and there's nothing wrong with that, girls want to get laid too but not with murky guys.
Now don't be like your mates and fall for that schoolboy binary response that you therefore need to become an asshole. Stay good-mannered, stay cool and, above all, be honest and direct. Those girls are aching to get their filthy sex-starved paws on the yummy new you.

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 5
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 4
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 3

5 comments:

orlando_ikonomi said...

we really can't wait William :)

hatemyhair said...

Dear Deidre must be shitting herself.

Danhod said...

I'm a nice guy!

Danhod said...

'schoolboy binary response' hahaha

Miss Kerry said...

fucking brilliant.
it is was always the passive aggressive nice boys that came back with the evil shit on how girls only like alpha males or a hard cock or bastards.
this is a proof positive answer that i can dole out to the mystified on my fb page, whom whinge about their lack of success ( easier than spending time deleting people on that piece of crap timewaster, grrr.)
and speaking as a woman, there are some perfectly nice men that are fucking hot - i know several. their niceness, makes them even more sexy.
what is not nice, is making people feel obligated.
dominant, that can be good. when you know what it is, and how to do it in the right way.
obligated is like the feeling you get when you realize someone is going to manipulate you into something that feels like a violation.
and thats never sexy.