Monday, June 27, 2011

CUT HANDS ALBUM UPDATE 5

Cut Hands - Afro Noise I

Volume 1
A01 Welcome To The Feast Of Trumpets
A02 Stabbers Conspiracy
A03 Rain Washes Over Chaff
A04 Nzambi Ia Lufua

B01 Who No Knows Go Knows
B02 ++++ (Four Crosses)
B03 Brown-Brown
B04 Shut Up And Bleed

Volume 2
C01 Munkisi Munkondi
C02 Impassion
C03 Ezili Freda
C04 Nzambi Ia Muini

D01 Bia Mintatu
D02 Kongo
D03 Backlash
D04 Rain Washes Away Every Thing

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Monday, June 06, 2011

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 10

WHY IS MY MAN ALWAYS NAGGING ME TO LOOK SMARTER?
(Daily Mail 6/6/11)
For the past six months, I’ve been going out with a man who seems like a great match for me. We’re both divorced with teenagers and have plenty of shared interests and friends.
The sex would be good, too, if he wasn’t so critical about my personal grooming. He is always nagging me to wax, wear make-up or to get my hair done. I’ve always felt you should be happy in your own skin and that it’s a form of weakness to spend your time primping for men.
He says that if I really loved him I’d make a bit of effort to look glamorous in the bedroom, but I think he should love me as I am. How can we resolve this?


Uncle William says:
Personal grooming as a form of weakness, right.
Why not go a week without a shower until every pore of your flabby hairy excreting body is stinked up with putrid residue? Keep those repulsive leggings on at all times along with that baggy sports top. Oh, and the underwear'll be fine too, the scraggly ill-fitting beige bra and pants. Also, leave those matted locks just the way they are, nice and greasy and bedraggled.
Because then we'll find out if that bastard is capable of showing you the real love you feel you're so deserving of.
For fuck's sake, is this some kind of rutting contest or an intimate loving relationship?
Resolve it by dressing like an expensive slut. In the bedroom and everywhere else. You should know that Uncle William would, at the very least, demand that.

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 9
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 8
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 7

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

CUT HANDS ALBUM UPDATE 4

It's been absolutely thrilling to get so much fantastic feedback for this album via personal messages and some early reviews, it really means a lot; not only that, it's been the fastest-selling record I've ever been part of, by quite a distance. Very exciting. This good will was, nevertheless, tempered by some scathing criticism from the encrusted keyboards of a couple of Finnish noisabilly scenesters. Oh well.

Likewise, there's a neighbour who, over these four years, has complained regularly and bitterly about the 'disturbing percussion sounds coming from upstairs'. Fortunately, as we have different entrances going in and out, he doesn't know who I am; I, however, do perfectly know what he looks like and let me assure you he's more than vaguely creepy-looking. What's really weird is one time he kicked up an especially huge fuss over 'those fucking voodoo drums'. I was on holiday.

Good news on the vinyl front: Afro Noise I will be split into two separate volumes, each with extra material. More details on that coming soon.

After a few days' toil, we've finally managed to finish off rendering the all-new visuals for live performances. First showing will be at around 11pm this Friday at the big show at the Glasgow School of Art; if you can, come along, you should know it'll be an amazing night.

Anyway, another limited batch of the Cut Hands art postcards for new orders has landed, the ones stocks of which so quickly ran dry. If you didn't get a brace with your order from Susan Lawly, then drop me a line and I'll ensure that particular wrong is righted.

CUT HANDS ALBUM UPDATE 3