Monday, June 06, 2011

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 10

WHY IS MY MAN ALWAYS NAGGING ME TO LOOK SMARTER?
(Daily Mail 6/6/11)
For the past six months, I’ve been going out with a man who seems like a great match for me. We’re both divorced with teenagers and have plenty of shared interests and friends.
The sex would be good, too, if he wasn’t so critical about my personal grooming. He is always nagging me to wax, wear make-up or to get my hair done. I’ve always felt you should be happy in your own skin and that it’s a form of weakness to spend your time primping for men.
He says that if I really loved him I’d make a bit of effort to look glamorous in the bedroom, but I think he should love me as I am. How can we resolve this?


Uncle William says:
Personal grooming as a form of weakness, right.
Why not go a week without a shower until every pore of your flabby hairy excreting body is stinked up with putrid residue? Keep those repulsive leggings on at all times along with that baggy sports top. Oh, and the underwear'll be fine too, the scraggly ill-fitting beige bra and pants. Also, leave those matted locks just the way they are, nice and greasy and bedraggled.
Because then we'll find out if that bastard is capable of showing you the real love you feel you're so deserving of.
For fuck's sake, is this some kind of rutting contest or an intimate loving relationship?
Resolve it by dressing like an expensive slut. In the bedroom and everywhere else. You should know that Uncle William would, at the very least, demand that.

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 9
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 8
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 7

1 comment:

Miss Kerry said...

This reminds me so of so called modern feminists, who wrote out of the whole feminism cannon- any strong woman who was involved in fashion ( like owning your own company or magazine - oh dear, that's not female power!) or having multiple lovers ( fucking men, and having lots more want you, oh dear! no power in that!) or birth control pioneers ( marie stopes should be canonized as a feminist SAINT, for fucks sake ) or being famous for success in fashion ( running, owning, control of, large fashion houses, perfume companies, fashion magazines- oh no! those women just pander top MEN. yeah, anything dealing with beauty MUST be ruse just throw yourself on men's mercy.)
what about her?
how would she like him for himself if he stopped plucking his nose hair? or his ear hair ( after a certain age, its inevitable one reads), or shaving? hope she has a fetish for werewolves, amish men, certain hideous rock bands in the 70s and a liking for razor stubble rash all over her thighs. )
Also, as bad as this sounds, the times ive been frivolous and posted pictures of myself in scanties on FB, Ive very much longed to tell some of the expected pervs( and dont tell me it isnt right that anyone should be stalked by hordes of perverts if your reasonably attractive and post pictures of you in your undies on what pretty much constitutes a public byway, get a grip) - tell them, i appreciate your flattery ( i'll take all i can get, it wont last forever. and your whinging 20 year olds, stop moaning on about old men chasing you. it wont last forever, one day you will be ugly when your old or before that, youll be 40 and no one will give two shits. so suck it up and thank god your not ugly )- flattery is nice, and no i dont really want pictures of your cock ( yes ive actually wrote this before!)- i have enough of someone elses, to keep me happy for now- but please, dear delusional men, if you want to be someones sex fantasy, or wan them to be yours, do something about HOW YOU FUCKING LOOK!
im not going to wet myself in lust if you send me pictures of your overweight, unmotivated by fitness body, and express a sudden wish to get to know you intimately.
Your not writing to the nice but not so nice looking lumpen girls in brown trousers are you? well why should I?
jerk off all you want over my profile pics, but please, spare me the details until i ask, ok? it clutters up my mail and i dont answer it anyhow.