Monday, April 25, 2011

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 5

SHE LIED FOR MONTHS AFTER SECRET ROMPS IN OUR BED
(News Of The World, 25/4/11)
I've just discovered a load of old photos and letters proving that my girlfriend had secret sex with her lover in our bed. I'm gutted.
I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 24. Everything was fine at first but six months into the relationship she wanted us to split up. She started seeing another guy but ended it with him after a few months and we got back together.
We've been happy since and living together for two years, but we recently moved house and I found all these photos and letters while clearing out our bedroom. They proved that she was seeing this guy throughout the first six months we were together and having a full-on sexual relationship with him. She used her phone to text him under her best friend's name so I wouldn't find out. She used to sneak to his to see him. She invited him to all her family parties and even invited him to a ball. She had sex with him on so many occasions, often in the same bed we slept in. She'd kiss me goodbye, telling me she loves me and then catch a train to see him.
She took him to her brother's party even though it was on the same night I crashed my car. Even this didn't wake her up from her deceit. She's lied endlessly to cover this up but she can't deny it now. I'm heartbroken, humiliated and disgusted, but can't help loving her.
She says she is deeply in love with me and that over the last two years she has been open and honest with me apart from this. But I don't know if I can carry on knowing what I know. 

Am I a mug to stay with her?

Uncle William says:
Yes.

FLIRT AT WORK IS DRIVING ME WILD
(Daily Star 22.4.11)
There's a girl at work who I really fancy but I just don’t know where I stand with her.
She’s been working there a few months and we have been smiling and chatting to each other from day one. My workmates tell me that when I’m not in, she’s always talking about me. Recently I have been making excuses to go into her department and I cannot resist flirting with her.
Two weeks ago she gave me a cuddle and a peck on my cheek. I said that I’d give her a lift home after work and we chatted and got on really well. And last week I was getting a drink from the machine and she came over and gave me another cuddle. I said I’d take her home again and while I was driving, I suggested we went for a drink. She said she couldn’t that night as she was busy but she added: “I won’t say never.”
I’ve now found out from another girl in her department that she actually has a boyfriend, even though she’s never mentioned him to me. I’ve heard that they have been together for over a year and are going on holiday together this summer. So now I’m really very confused.
Our firm is closed for a few days over Easter so I won’t be able to ask her about her boyfriend. But I just don’t understand why she’s not been truthful. I don’t know where I stand and I think she’s just playing games with me.


Uncle William says:
First of all, her boyfriend is her problem and not yours.
But seriously, never mind that - it must drive women absolutely insane to hear guys come out with ' I don't know where I stand with her', 'I was looking for the right signal', and suchlike.
These are the very words of the revolving door practitioner, the gawping needy horn dog, the impotent circling bowfin, the backsliding doggie-dinner-bowl dime-a-dozen chump. Each and every one so desperate to get his very own chance to impress her, any her, with his small-talk prospectus of bullshit achievements, possessions, experiences.
It's a fatal human behavioural flaw that allows us to believe that if we play the numbers game of trying the same thing over and over, eventually we'll succeed. Fuck that shit, it doesn't work, it will never work. I had to learn that and so can you.
If you like someone enough, you just take them. You're courteous, relaxed, and fun to be with, right? Good. But above all, remember that word, take. You're going to find out if she's woman enough for you. You take the initiative, you take her by the hand, you take her some place, you take her in your arms, you take her sexually. You take her on an adventure.

DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 4
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 3
DEAR UNCLE WILLIAM 2

3 comments:

RM said...

re SHE LIED FOR MONTHS AFTER SECRET ROMPS IN OUR BED: some things you can forgive, but it was well out of order for her to be with her secret lover on the night when he was going to crash his car.

LM said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mTUmczVdik

Miss Kerry said...

this works for girls too.
in my 20s, a sweet pretty girl at my workplace, asked me- gee k, your have all these guys crazy about you? how do you do it?
i told her, simple- im easy.
she said, what?! surprise and incomprehension on her face.
i said back, im kidding.
but in a way , i wasnt.
i had read somewhere, that the way to get close quickly to a man, is just to assume you already are. just be there, and your in like flynn.
easy being, not always with the flesh but easy to just go along with, well whatever.
aside from this guys obvious issues of deliberate ignorance ( im unsure if i think hes pathetically needing help ie; retarded, or a complete cunt )- hes another one who just cant accept we are mammals, under it all.
after all those nature shows, just about EVERYONE has watched- in childhood if not later on, after biology where you learnt the Kingdoms of nature and such and the links between them, after all of it. not one speck of comprehension.
its as if humans just popped into being, all different and shit, out of another universe not remotely linked to this one in any way ( dont get me started on ecology, its not pretty ).
if anyone like me , who has been so entirely stupid as to be thought mentally deficient some years can comprehend that mammals have specific behaviors, and humans partake in these behaviors ( although changed bu interpersonal actions) - WHY CANT THEY?
it astounds me.