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Welcome to Hello Kitty Maternity Hospital. Hello Kitty is cute.

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Cats, in my experience, usually hate having clothes and accoutrements foisted on them, and yet this handsome puss seems remarkably serene in this, quite frankly, ludicrous get-up.

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Unlike the infamous similarly-themed S&M room in the Japanese love hotel, you can't blame Hello Kitty for the terrible internal conflicts elicited. Speaking for myself, I cannot set eyes upon any roll of duct tape anywhere without imagining it being put to some darkly illicit use. I've never been nervous about buying condoms from a pharmacy, a contrast to my first ever purchase of Duck from a hardware store.

(thanks to Thomas!)

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Girls who love Hello Kitty probably have lots of disposable income for cute clothes and toys, and they may also love a drink after a hard day's work or studying. Let's celebrate and relax with some HK wine!

Despite the Italians' claims of firstness, I believe that Hello Kitty has graced bottles of rice wine in Japan before this. That said, it only remains for us to taste this Sweet Pink demi-sec. Or would you even have the heart to uncork it?

A light playful cherry nose with some chocolatey and strawberry aromas; fresh, feline, soft, ripe tannins giving a delicate effervescent structure to the innocent sweetness of its gorgeous fruit.

(my thanks to Lorin for the link!) 

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After undeservingly inflicting that sickening beige attack post regarding Hello Kitty onto you, here's something that's almost as scary (thank you to Steven). You have been warned...

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Beige is that weird colour they use to clothe sex offenders in Californian penal institutes. It's also the colour of choice for serial killer footwear, if you look carefully, you'll spot them on public transport. It's even a creepy kind of word when you say it aloud and think about it. Beige. Go on, extend that vowel sound.

Even the normally reliably innocent and super-cute Hello Kitty, in her Tropical iteration, is transformed into a thing to be scared of. Never mind the troubling pink bikini.

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Still ferreting for Valentine's Day ideas? Here's a gift suggestion (thanks, Steven) which is a surefire way to your beloved's heart, something as romantic as it's badass, as cute as it's useful: a Hello Kitty chainsaw.

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Thanks once again to Lorin for providing this news. So Hello Kitty is 35 years old? Wow. A collection of pictures from her birthday party to provide the unneeded evidence that proves that HK is anything but a kids' icon. Looks more like a mainstream porn convention.

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Another item for all you fellow Hello Kitty fans (thanks to Lorin for the link) - this time it's in the form of a bizarrely rigorous psychological test about how much you care for others. You can do it in 5 minutes and let us know how you get on. (I got 'about 40 per cent' and a good dressing-down.)

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Hello Kitty is an incredible international phenomenon - some of the coolest people I've ever known are huge fans and belies the notion of it being a kids' thing. Fuck, I'm a fan myself and am not quite sure why; and who, by the way, is up for a trip to Sanrio Puroland?

For the true otaku, there's a monthly Japanese glossy magazine packed with all the latest HK products and merch from around the world which includes almost everything under the sun - and now there's even this.