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Because the original sign would look so much better in Helvetica? What a cunt.

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DIETROLOGY 
The Anatomy Of A Response

I was wondering about what to write. Swithering between yet another rant against Helvetica Culture; against idiotic mixed capitalisation in song, movie and book titles; or else taking a deserved swipe at the bokeworthy new mustn't haves known as jeggings.

Or indeed another admiring update on the Somali pirates.

It's all a bit obsessive. As if it were enough to be merely obsessed. As if that were sufficient explanation, as if that's just how something is.

But when you stop and ask yourself the question what is it about the thing you obsess over that creates that special intense response, you have to search deep down for some kind of answer that isn't just a rewording of the obsession, or a glib legitimising I-think superstition. Not in order to justify or rationalise, not to be right or wrong. But to fulfil a curiosity about what lies behind: transparent concessions that are clearly in operation with this and other strong emotional responses.

Once again things are not what they seem.

obsession
obsession begins with the identification of a symbolic representation of an unconscious value we always held - once identified, the symbols start appearing everywhere because we're now actively looking for them; these values lie hidden behind the illusion of identity, which is why they're so difficult to express in words

disappointment
linguistically speaking, we become disappointed in or with an exernal someone or something, as if it were outside our control, and likewise we experience it as if we were passive agents; in fact, disappointment can only be something we've personally planned for through a set of expectations that fail to be fulfilled

impulsiveness
what appears to be impulsive (like a purchase, or a kiss, or saying the wrong thing, or a punch) is in fact illusory: it is planned unconsciously by us well in advance of its happening - its apparent suddenness is the moment of entering an unprepared conscious awareness

attraction
in language we refer to being attracted towards someone or something, as if it were an active process - however, unlike disappointment, attraction is something that happens to us, passively; it's a process in which we have no choice despite the illusion that we are somehow active participants

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This is becoming a bit of an obsession, isn't it? Quite right. Anyway, you'd think Chinese restaurants would be immune to the lazy sterility of Helvetica Culture. Oh no. Not even an super extra helping of monosodium glutamate in your mixed veg fried rice will arouse your tragically numbed apathetic tastebuds.

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It seems amazing that anyone would willingly eschew all Munich's wonderful traditional bierhaus, bierkeller, biergarten experiences for an oh-so-unappetising Helvetica bar or restaurant. And not just in Munich. The scourge of the H-bar is everywhere, and it's a secret wish of mine that each one that pops up like a malignant landscape tumour results in business disaster.



Whilst whingeing on so, these American Apparel goods will definitely NOT be on my birthday wish list (even though you have to admire AA's splendid Ogilvyesque advertising campaigns).

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