Tuesday, November 22, 2011


(The Daily Star, 1/12/11)
Over the summer I got caught up in a stupid affair with a married bloke from my office.
I lost my head for the best part of ten weeks.

I drank too much, skipped work and really let myself down.

He and I visited a seedy hotel not far from our office where we had regular sex. I let him do all sorts of dirty things to me.

 We used sex toys, especially bondage straps. He took photos and videos on his mobile phone.

One night, he paid for a hooker from the street below to come up and have a threesome with us.

 She was a ballsy, matter-of-fact woman who clearly thought we were a couple of idiots with more money than sense. At the time, I thought we were being edgy and ironic.

 I thought it was so clever and funny. But now I look back and cry. How could I have been so stupid?

The most humiliating part is that my "love" dumped me soon after I helped him clear his overdraft. He was paranoid about his wife finding out about his “extra- curricular” spending.

 Now he’s with another girl from our office and I’m convinced he’s told her all about me.

 They’re together all the time, giggling and flirting.

The other day my mate took me to the pizza place next to work for her birthday and they were in there. 

I actually heard him snort with laughter as I arrived.

 He whispered something to her and she collapsed in a fit of giggles. I fled in tears.

Everyone keeps telling me to ignore them. They say he’s a snake with a horrible reputation. 

But I fell for him. At one point I even thought I loved him and asked him to leave his wife for me.

How does that make me look? And what does that say about my rubbish sense of judgment?

Uncle William says:
How does that make you look?! Your sense of judgment?!
The only thing it says about you is that you're no different to anyone else. You too suffer from that maddeningly incurable human disease of always having to be right and seen to be right. Fuck that shit.
I get that you think you made a mistake.
Well, so what? It's part of a process called learning.
Here specifically it was the priceless lesson that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with that asshole. And you even had some fun while that happened in the form of some delightfully corrupt reprehensible sex in a seedy hotel room.
Take pride in making mistakes, celebrate being wrong. It's attractive and I like you all the more for it.



Mark T. said...

Your advice to this person is down right inspiring. More, please.

joe p said...

much as i enjoy 'dear uncle william', i'd really like to see a return of the movie reviews feature.

Miss Kerry said...

Why is it that people have to have an occuring sense of guilt over things they enjoyed?
i know the english are good at this, but this seems pervasive over western society.
and lady, paranoia can also be another name for massive ego. get over yourself. for all you know, he could have been whispering how much he was going to enjoy reaming her out on the kitchen table.
and even if the comment, was im going to enjoy reaming you out on the kitchen table like my ex shag, who just walked in the door, so what?
its not your business what they talk of, so why rent space to them in your head?
so he didn't leave his wife. that's HIS life, not yours. and its not love if it doesn't have TWO consenting adults.Its obsessive possession.
Be happy you got laid, so well and thoroughly. Now you can teach the next willing victim, exactly how to do so or even better, spot the next one in line who might like to spend some of his time, making you scream his name like it was gods own.
have some fucking fun, you old cow.