THE WHIZZINATOR

And speaking of transparent concessions, it's the Olympics.

The jingoism and hypocrisy that the UK excels at is in overdrive after such a surprising harvest of gold medals.

At the opening ceremony, arms went up when a pretty Chinese girl was seen to be miming and not the bucktoothed original singer. Days later the papers were full of sceptical indignation regarding the true ages of the Chinese female gymnasts while at the same time Team GB proudly fielded a cute 14 year old boy diver. Then it was the turn of the arrest of an ITV hack who, while covering an impromptu Free Tibet demo, got himself arrested by the Chinese 'goons' (if only these journalists were as diligent about reporting on our very own police state and routine invasions of sovereign nations).

Needless to say, there are no end of scams that athletes get up to escape drugs detection and our lot, under the mentorship of past master Linford Christie through UK Athletics, are well-versed in all the deceits. The use of fake genitals, bladders, synthetic urine, 'missed' tests, drug cancellers, and various other sleights are as important as the training itself, as are the intensive workshops in knowing what to say, and how to say it, if ever caught out. In the latter case playing the 'plucky Brit' card will usually work - unfortunately, not an option for the Eastern bloc competitors, or any swarthy Mediterranean types.

UK Athletics, with the shadow of the financially crippling London Games in 2012 looming, have adopted a brazen win-at-all-costs strategy where results are all that matter regardless of how they're achieved. Hence our Olympic success. Even from a country mostly populated by sweating alcoholic clinically obese couch potatoes on the permanent cusp of a heart attack.