Sunday, August 17, 2008


Many of the best cold readers (fortunetellers and the like) have an armoury of all sorts of cool transparent concessions to achieve their magic - a lot of it is dependent on the understanding of unconscious communication through subtext. Several years ago, a friend of mine named Belinda, who'd been enjoying frequenting speed dating nights in the town, was berating the fact that every single guy every single night would ask the same fucking questions, top of the list being 'what do you do for a living?', or words to that effect.

A good cold reader will know that the wording of an answer reveals much information. If the answer is in the format 'I'm a (name of job)', then it's a sign that the person's identity is closely knitted to what they do, whereas 'I (do activity)' shows that the focus of identity is elsewhere.

Belinda asked me if I had any ideas about how she should best respond to this oh-so-inevitable question. Knowing that it would seem better to be seen as passionate about one's chosen work, I suggested the first formula - with an added subtlety. Kind of. 'I'm a kind of cleaner' - which sounds pretty damn mysterious and fascinating to me; and even more when the guy with increasing curiosity asks what she means. Belinda just smiles, shrugs her shoulders and says 'hey, I'll tell you later, let's not talk about that now, what do you do in the real world?'

I'm a kind of musician. But let's not talk about that now.


Ea-M. said...

If that title has anything to do with the thoughts it evokes in me then i'm totally against it!

Grandpa Scorpion said...

Interesting post.

I work as a computer programmer but I don't really identify myself as such.

So, I find myself saying that "I'm a programmer" without any qualifier.
Perhaps subconsciously I'm attempting to add intrigue to something banal.

Ea-M. said...

Well, now my comment above looks pretty silly and out of context. The content and the mentioned asociations is not coherrent, even if i'm against dating as well. There's few activities that are as tedious as that.
And actually the "stragedy" that you mention here i think would have the opposite effect on me (even if it might be genereally true and fulfill it's goals) an answer like that would make me think that here's someone trying to make himself more interesting than he is and no more a turn-on than an expensive car or wrist watch...
But then again i'm more interested in hearing why people like/dislike the things they do and how they come around to doing exactly that, than the actual job-discription...

the mullah said...

I'm a disposable lighter repairman

I'm a footwear model

I count earwigs in a lab for a living

I'd love to tell you, but I can't

and so on.

Miss Kerry said...

Im unsure how "I dress giant dollies" would go over with anyone.
Im a "visual merchandiser" sounds like Ive been jargonized and assimilated into the collective.
I used to think "Im in fashion" made me sound like a image obsessive clothes horse, but later on realised it was brainwashing from Feminists.

Im anti-feminist, for some good reasons ( mainly men, hello? lets keep them. and let them have some place where they can get away from fucking chicks, for a little while?jeez, I want to and Im female.Good way to find out if the feminists get to find out how "Running Wild" by Ballard, works with grown men, not kids.)
Most if not all women who ran successful fashion houses, or magazine deleted from feminist canon. ( never you mind, the ones who got some serious boyfriend action, or two or three as well ).
Seems it doesn't count to be a successful, hugely influential woman unless you disdain all dressing up, despite that well written screeds have been written on how NOT dressing up, is yet another form of dressing up.

Im sure if I ever do something drastic, like removing my own appendix or speed dating- I should wear exactly what Ive got in the closet. That will speak more words than even I can cram into whatever minute time allowed.( I may add, that this closet has if I recall correctly at the present time- one tailcoat, possibly former midget freemason owned, a shocking pink shift dress trimmed in marabou feather that makes me look like a lady clown, a cape I made ripping off Alexander McQueen (and may I say, a improvement) in purple taffeta that has a 3 foot train, tulle to make 6 tutus, a giant mad hatter hat in the style actually worn by demented English aristos to weddings, a west german uniform( including jodhpurs, hat, and brown belt for sword, a actual Freemasonic sword, a electric blue furry jacket with padded shoulders that makes me look like Sully from Monsters Inc, 4 1920s crepe dresses in primary shades, a purple/pink fleece skirt that can double as a tent, a pink fake fur jacket that goes with the clown dress(making me look like a lady clown attending the opera), a akubra hat too small for my head which makes dents like Ive been trepanned when removed, one black satin full length corset ( which a gentleman admirer asked me "Is that Gautier?" a la The Cook, The Thief etc, bless his heart ), stockings with sequinned tops ( will come in handy should I be forced to moonlight as Sally Bowles ), one pale pink fake leather dress useful for wearing to sit on wet bus benches, one peter pan collar pink sleeveless blouse that could do if I ever : try to pretend I can wear pale pink for more than 6 minutes without getting some sort of art supplies/nameless black stains,and/or when female bits finally seal off, like Burroughs story of the man whose ass could talk - thru lack of suitable use and I can dress like the virgin Ive now been forcibly made into.

This is what fashion ( and 95% off, the 75 % off tag -does to you.)

Clothes I actually wear. Um some black leggings and a black top.