THE LORD OF COIN

It's what Hell was invented for. To use as a threat where a simple threat of violence or imprisonment or no pocket money would be ineffective, you naughty wicked bad evil sinners you. God is Love, and if you don't fall into line, expect to be smothered in fire and brimstone and forcibly fed on rats and toads. For ever. I wonder how many confessions priests get on a weekly basis about 'illegal' up/downloading.

It's not that I'm not sympathetic with the issue because it really does impact how much you're able to commit to invest in making your music, and I, like indeed I imagine Tibet does, rely on music for my living. Still, times change, and there's no use in crying and running off to mummy about it. Or some dodgy smelly priest in a varnished upright box.

These days the Holy Noncedom would have you fry in eternal damnation not just for masturbation, sodomy, homosexuality, using a condom, extramarital sex or any other sluttish behaviour - let alone vile witchery and sorcery - but also for not recycling your plastic bags. Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, for example, proclaims that the traditional 6th century seven deadly sins (for your reference, conveniently listed below with their exciting range of adjoining punishments) are those of 'yesteryear'. I'm not sure what the bearded sandal'd one up at Hallucinatory Mountain would say about that.

And silly me always thought the seven deadly sins were a qualification for entry to the church. You wonder if they'll ever include arbitrary hypocrisy. Which proves the original point.

pride: broken on the wheel
envy: put in freezing water
gluttony: forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
lust: smothered in fire and brimstone
anger: dismembered alive
greed: put in cauldrons of boiling oil
sloth: thrown in snake pits

AGE OF AQUARIUS

Just received the latest copy of Elegy from France, one of my favourite newsstand magazines, a delightful mixture of dark music, art and fashion - certainly nothing to compare to in the UK. Anyway, as I was flicking through the pages of photography of sexy fetish goth girls, Trevor Brown-style artists and various reviews, stumbled across an interview with that loveable old rogue Tibet who inexorably brings the subject round to the imminent apocalypse, the second coming of JC, added to some remarks about AIDS being a message from God - and in the process managing to outdo some of the more extreme US Christian fundamentalists. In this case earnestness somehow belies ignorance. David, if you're reading this, I adore you to bits and we want to give you a final chance to see the light: like Noddy, like Minski, your Bible is just mythical literature, there was no historical Jesus Christ; like Krishna, like Mithras, he symbolises the sun, so just go out and relax and have some fun.