End of year movie reviews bumper edition.
The Substance, 2024 (*****)
Absolute masterpiece that transcends its Cronenberg and John Carpenter body horror influences with such incredibly uncompromising energy that it feels like something that genuinely belongs in the present day. Cast, cinematography, soundtrack, direction, script: all amazing - movie of the decade.
Terrifier 3, 2024 (****)
The perfect seasonal gorefest. Much like the previous entries the story is completely incoherent and nonsensical. But with outrageously shocking set-pieces as good as this it matters little.
Cuckoo, 2024 (**)
Despite some beautiful camerawork in the promising forest setting, like much modern-day horror CUCKOO is a mocktail of am-dram cast of obnoxiously vacuous characters, inept muddled writing, and a ludicrous ending.
I Saw The TV Glow, 2024 (*)
For all the same reasons even worse, far worse in fact, than CUCKOO (see above).
Heretic, 2024 (***)
Two Mormon girls find themselves ensnared in the home of a wonderfully creepy and camp Hugh Grant who delivers some of the best monologues since Lord Summerisle. Despite Sister Barnes being far too Hollywood chic to be remotely believable it's all very enjoyable until the movie inevitably dissembles into a meaningless rote thriller.
Subservience, 2024 (**)
If Hallmark were to launch a Horror channel, movies would be like this. Although ME3GAN did this a million times better, the AI maid/wife/servant genre (as with WIFELIKE below) is always fun. Sadly, and ironically, ChatGPT could have written a better script, and the acting is worse than a BioWare cutscene.
Wifelike, 2022 (***)
One only for the completionist. As an admitted fan of this nascent AI robot horror microgenre I have to confess to enjoy Meredith even more android than human. Elena Kampouris is actually great in this role, which unfortunately can't be said about the main star, unnervingly as 'William'.
The Apprentice, 2024 (***)
Film could have been so much better focusing entirely on the story of New York lawyer Roy M. Cohn, a fascinating and compelling character played brilliantly by Jeremy Strong, the early interactions and exchanges reminiscent of classic Scorsese.
Strange Darling, 2023 (**)
When is a twist so obvious it's no longer a twist? Felt like a missed opportunity since while the story's premise and atmospheric setting are perfectly good it's ultimately undermined by the sheer stupidity of its extremely underdeveloped characters.
Smile 2, 2024 (**)
Two hours of Naomi Scott clumsily hamming it up as a boilerplate Lady Gaga archetype with intermittent jumpscares make for a disappointing sequel. No plot, no explanation, no character development, no smile.
Mads, 2024 (*)
(REC)-style POV single-take zombie outing from France which never really answers the question why or who is the cameraperson running around filming this? Technically it has things to admire but ultimately the characters are just too irritating.
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